The Ways of Prayer: Part One- Do you hear God?

If you were anything like me at 16, you thought prayer was reciting the Our Fathers and Hail Marys before going to bed with a couple of thank yous thrown in for good measure.

This was in fact how I prayed growing up. Every once in a while I'd plead with God to help solve a problem at school, make some boy fall madly in love with me, or convince my parents to buy me those super cute jeans I coveted at the Limited. And that was about it. Reciting meaningful and important words with no conviction, and asking for favors- mostly going through the motions.

There were a few times that I felt guilty saying the prayers while thinking other thoughts, so I'd force myself to listen to every single word, process it, and then say it again. I'd say my prayers three times if need be, but I made sure I understood what they meant and how they applied to my life. I would give thanks and praise to God for giving me a wonderful family and for loving me so much. But eventually that would fade and the thanksgiving prayers even became memorized and repeated without thought.

When I graduated high school and entered college, my faith dropped by the wayside. I'd check in with God every now and then to ask for help on a test, or to get me out a some college aged jam, but never attended church and rarely prayed or talked to Him. I had good intentions of course. When I moved to my new city, I fully intended on finding a church and began attending. But of course other things take priority and God once again falls to the side.

It wasn't until as recently as last year that something different happened- I started talking to God again. It began with asking for help, as he always the first one people run to in times of crisis and the first one people forget about in times of celebration and joy. And eventually it turned into just chatting. Just talking to let him know how I was feeling. That turned into giving Him thanks for all the wonderful things that He allowed to happen in my life. I was cultivating an actual relationship with God. But it never felt like prayer. I felt like I was doing something wrong since I wasn't saying my traditional prayers at night. But I continued talking to Him because I enjoyed it greatly.

Then this past Sunday, I realized I was missing something. While listening to the priest talk about prayer and praying, it occurred to me that my relationship with God has really been one sided. I was talking and talking, and giving thanks and praise and worshipping Him, which is good. But I wasn't listening to what He had to say in return. I was being a conversation hog!

So I started working on it. And let me tell you, it's not that easy for a control freak like me. It's hard to turn off the mind and just listen. Thoughts of existing life creep into my head. Or I begin to start asking for help, or for forgiveness for letting my thoughts wander. I can't seem to ever get a clear head.

But there are things I really want to know! What does He have to say about the way I'm doing things and living my life? Do I have so much on my plate that I'm not focusing truly on Him? What does He think about me attending Episcopal services as a Catholic? Am I living out my wifely duties like I should be? Are there other ways to show my husband respect as the religious leader of our family? They're all swirling around up there. And somewhere mixed in are His messages to me. But I'm missing them. I can't always hear them. And when I do hear something, I'm not confident that it's Him. What if it's just me telling myself the things I want to hear?

So, I'm turning to you. How do you hear God?

Do you need a quite space, or does the pleasant sound of chirping of birds outside clear your head? Do you have to sit up for fear of falling asleep? How do you clear your head? What ways to do you push those thoughts that nag at you- "What's for dinner?" or "I wonder why Mary's teacher wants to see me after school today?" I'd love to hear any and all techniques you may have and even book recommendations would be welcome! I just can't seem to get it all in. I feel I'm not doing it right. Thanks to any and all who help!

Coming tomorrow, The Ways of Prayer: Part Two- 3 essentials to praying

Happy praying and listening!

xoxo Y